why it is difficult to let go !!!

I know that everyone has to go.. have read about it.. seen it in the movies..

but reality is tough...

its very hard to let go.. your brain do not want to believe that person is not there anymore...

that you will not be able to talk to that person anymore..

when you will reach home... he will not be sitting there and waiting for you eagerly...

and then suddenly life does not make sense...

it makes me wonder...

whats the hurry if I too have to go after sometime...

why to fight over petty things when life is so fragile ...

why not spend time with people who are dear...

now I regret not spending enough time with him..

always busy in books.. movies.. parties.. TV.. everything that is considered to be cool...

except spending time back at home with people you love...

it does not make sense .. right..

its hard to believe... and its still harder to know that you are so far away from all that you will never reach in time..

is everything around me is more important than that....

those tears shed and unshed makes me feel sad...

sad about the state I am living in...

Is this the time to leave everything or still some more shocks will make me wake up and change my perspectives...

may be I need some more shocks to shake me out of my slumber and reach out...

I just hope that day comes before someone is writing the same stuff for me..

I just hope...

What is my true calling ???

Is writing my true calling ?? I don't know much and even I can not create stories.. my thoughts never take shape of any being.. they are always free flowing..

I can not even claim that I have read much... what all reading I have done is only completely absolutely fiction...

what I think may be the figment of imagination, an influence of my surroundings or just plain blabbering...

but still writing is so much fun... all these non-sense thoughts when come into being, I feel as if I don't know them now. As soon as they leave me and become a word on to paper I am not able to relate to them at all...

It seems as if they have flowed from somewhere else and I am just a spectator looking at them playing.. forming different shapes.. which may or may not have some sense...

some random thoughts come and go.... but when they do not make sense to me... how others will make sense out of it...So, no writing is not that ....

Right... Right... but I will go on writing this non-sense and may be someday when my words will start making sense... I will understand what I want to do with my life...

Light & Shadow

No matter how much light is there

shadow's existence is always there ...

Some may argue then why not

let us always remain in darkness...

But by being in darkness...

you are not avoiding the shadow...

You are giving your whole

existence to the shadow...

But once you decided to fight shadow

and come out into the light...

You will grasp this fact that

whenever light increases, shadow decreases ...

Euphoria !!!

Somedays like today are the days when you feel detachment...

You know that outside is hot and polluted...

but still you feel that its raining and cool breeze is blowing waiting you to take it with you...

you want to go out and play in the rain ...

live life.. break out of routine... have fun... just do whatever you want... do things at the spur of the moment...

You dont feel connected to the world around you ... but you are happy...

nothing matters.. not even yourself.. its just plain joy...

Joy all around... state of euphoria..

Technology vs human touch !!!

Technology has defintiely made life easier but somehow very complicated...

easier in the sense that now we are connected always...

loads of knowledge is at our disposal...

anything we want to know anywhere in the world...

buy anything anywhere in the world...

now nothing is difficult...

I love technology but yet I miss that personal human touch...

calls now have been replaced by chats...

letters have been replaced with e-mail...

I still remember when I was in my college...

everytime I used to visit my home the first thing I used to do is to buy lot of inland letters :0 (yeah its an extinct kind of postal mail form)

And then every week I used to write letters to my home...

even used to send letters to my friends in different colleges in India and abroad... yeah imagine...

and for sure I used to receive reply.. and it was so much fun to see those personalised letters...

where from handwriting you were able to understand how a person is feeling...

letters on different kind of papers to suit the ocassion...

yes it was so much more fun...

Technology is good yet am I missing something ??

Tough times call for this !!!

लहरों से डराकर नौका पार नहीं होती ,
कोशीश कराने वालों की हार नहीं होती

नन्ही चींटी जब दाना लेकर चलती है ,
चढ़ती दीवारों पर , सौ बार फिसलती है
मन का विश्वास रगों में साहस भरता है ,
चढ़कर गिरना , गिरकर चढ़ना ना अखरता है ।
आखीर उसकी म्हणत बेकार नहीं होती ,
कोशीश करने वालों की हार नहीं होती

दुब्कियाँ सिंधु में गोताखोर लगता है ,
जा जा कर खली हाथ लौटकर आता है
मिलते नही सहज ही मोती गहरे पानी में ,
बढ़ता दुगना उत्साह इसी हैरानी में ।
मुठी उसकी खली हर बार नहीं होती ,
कोशीश करने वालों की हार नहीं होती

असफलता एक चुनौती है , इसे स्वीकार करो ,
क्या कमी रह गयी , देखो और सुधर करो ।

जब तक ना सफल हो , नींद चेन को त्यागो तुम ,
संघर्ष का मैदान छोड़कर मत भागो तुम .
कुछ किये बिना ही जय जेकर नहीं होती ,
कोशिश करने वालों की हार नहीं होती ।
कोशीश करने वालों की हार नहीं होती

-Shri Harivansh Rai बच्चन

My kind of place !!!

I have lot of dreams.. some big ones ... and by big I literally mean BIG...

and then there are small ones too...

and then there are some which always will be a dream... yes they are practically unrealistic childish dreams... its a picture of the world which a child has in young tender age, where he still thinks he is the reason all eyes twinkle....

where he thinks that everyone belongs to him...

where he trust every person to take him in his arms and love him...

yes... I want to go back into that world...

the world which now looks like a dream to me now...

a world which is made up of all my hopes and love...

they represent all trust and faith I have in people...

I will not say things dont go wrong there...

it does like any other place but then goodness still prevails there...

things always work out in the end...

there are hardships but faith always wins in the end...

love binds one and all...

people dont hesitate in trusting others...

they dont hesistate in helping others... they dont wait for something bad to happen...

they work hard to see that nothing bad can ever happen to the people...

I dream of a world whose pillars are love and hope...

Did I say above that it will always remain a dream ? I think I am underestimating the power of hope and good will....

I know deep down inside such a world is possible...

but then I know right now I am not courageous enough to do all this...

but someday I will for sure... someday I will muster all my strengths and follow my heart

and fulfill my dream

I will ... I know I will ...

why ???

why at times you feel you are not good enough

why at times you feel you are not able to do what you want to do

why at times you feel restrained by constraints set by you

why at times you feel helpless because of your own emotions

why at times you dont let your impulses overcome your brain

why at times you feel you are nothing but a puppet

a puppet who willingly has given the string to the society

and now does not have the courage to take back what was rightfully his

why ???

Unknown is magnetic :-)

well well... its august already :)

it is that phase of my life when hundred thoughts crosses my mind

and I am not able to decide on to a single one

where I want to leave everything which is there is with me currently

and wish to take a new unknown journey towards a new land

where there are new people and new adventures

this phase of life has become a little monotonous and boring..

though the thought to explore the unknown is quite scary

sometimes my very relaxed life tries to lure me back

into the comfortable state in which I am now

but then I think if this comfort is becoming the obstacle to live life to fullest...

but yes talking about unknown is easy..

but venturing out is very very difficult..

i Just hope that someday I get enough courage to break out of this comfort zone and explore the world unknown...

God bless me !!!!!

Fun and frolic !!!

what fun it is to do some nonsense discussions sometimes...

not to think what you are speaking and just speak for the fun of speaking...

what fun it is to hear your own laughter on your own silly jokes...

and not caring what others will make out of it...

what fun it is that others can join you in your happiness...

and you can for a moment be part of the universe...

without anything else in your mind...

and living moments just for fun...

Aah !! wonderful.. wonderful... wonderful day is today

Loosing it all !!!

I am loosing it all once again

things have stopped making sense

my senses have deserted me

but still I dont feel numbness

a void in fact which is begging to be filled

a void which is so vast and so deep

that it feels it will engulf everything around

and yet I can not separate myself from my surroundings

I can still see and hear and feel

but yes I am not able to comprehend

as it is too much for me

as if, If I will try to understand it

take part in it, I will loose myself

this calm and composed exterior will break out into pieces

and then may be I will not be able to put it back again ever.

Have fun !!!!

If you leave all your inhibitions

and play the game life has laid in front of you

with all jest and energy

not taking anything personally

just playing for the fun...

not thinking about winning or loosing...

just play for the sheer fun of the moment...

enjoying the fact that you have been given a chance to smile and to share your happiness with others...

and you will find that life is so much more fun...

its no more a burden or a problem...

its all about your perception...

have fun with your life...

play the best you can and have fun ...

Will you remember ...

what is life without melody...

what is someday you get up and are not able to hear any sound...

what if what you hear is silence...

no sound... no rythm... no music...

then will you remember...

the simple sound of water flowing from the tap...

reaching out at great speed to meet the earth...

and sound it makes when at last it is able to touch the earth (or was it just a daily routine so boring that we have stopped listening to its music) ...

will you miss chirping of the birds in the morning (though am sure with this lifestyle we never get a chance to listen it, it is somewhere lost in the horns and stupid races) ...

will you remember the happy sound the trees make when wind comes to play with it (or were you too busy running for the office ) ...

will you remember the rustling of the leaves lying on the pathway when playful air takes them along to meet mother earth (I am sure we were busy taking care of our shoes) ...

will you remember the sound of bangles of your mother whenever she used to cook something in the kitchen (Aah I forget we were too busy to take out sometime to spend with her) ...

I guess yes, you will remember it all then ...

Why in this rat race we are loosing the symphony of life...

the sync God has created.. why we are breaking it...

why we are loosing the melody of life...

why we are letting it all slip through our fingers...

why ??

Thoughts !!!

How thoughts shift quickly...

as sand shifting through sieve...

One minute one thought is there and then you see something

and quickly that thought transforms itself into something else...

As these are potter mania days... so I am remembering a apt word..

Transfiguration not of wizards but of thoughts...

sometimes they take the form of winds...

making you fly with life...

and then suddenly it becomes fire...

and you are blazing... trying to find an outlet..

but as swiftly it becomes fluid...

and then just flows... you are not even aware that there are thoughts prevailing in the recesses of your mind...

If one ponders then easily all five elements of existence can be found in thoughts...

as if they are part of human existence...

and well I must say... what we are without thoughts...

perfection ...

what is there in life if it attains perfection...

there will be no motivation then...

let me be imperfect and be near my people...

let me be weak and depend on them always...

let me be vulnerable so that I can love them deeply...

let me be emotional so that I can tell them how I feel...

let me be imperfect so that my love becomes perfect...

what is perfection...

in eyes of many may be success..

may be getting everything you want...

may be dressing up nicely and being punctual...

may be one who is articulate...

may be one who is capable of leadership...

or may be combination of all of these...

but for me perfection is...

when you know that you are being loved...

thats a complete bliss ...

and it makes the whole world look so perfect to me...

I wish ...

I wish i could write beautiful things...

play with words and then form something nice out of it...

I wish I could bring my thoughts onto paper...

put them into black and white ... or colors may be...

and not be afraid of anyone reading it...

I wish I could create music so soft ....

that just flows and makes you swing with it...

I wish I could capture the music in the wind...

that gushing breeze which brings smile on my face...

I wish I could fly like a bird...

that soars high with no worries of sun and the moon...

I wish that I could be like water...

no obstacle can stop me and I will just find a way to wherever...

I wish I could be just like that OM ...

that starts from deep within and resonates in your mind ...

I wish I could be lot of things...

but I am happy to be just plain me :)

I wonder !!!

words are still there.. but there not connected to heart anymore...

speech is still there but the words have lost their meaning

thoughts are still there but they are lost among the noise

sounds are still there but sense of music is lost...

Will to see something good is still there but have lost the vision

Feeling to love and be loved is still there but the courage to show the feelings are lost...

everything is still there.. but the feeling to belong is lost...

I wonder what is happening ....

I wonder when we will find us again ???

I am in love with music !!!

Why music is important ....

you are sitting in a room...

you dont know how is the weather outside...

but then you put in a cd and start listening to a song...

and then your mood swings according to the song...

and you feel as if weather also must be complimenting the music...

as if you and music becomes one...

these days when I listen to song..

somehow I feel like writing its lyrics as well...

somehow as if those lyrics when come on paper will change everything...

when it become black on white... as if it will not leave me...

and stay with me forever..

as if it will block the world from me...

and I can stay in this world created by me for me...

its as if you are in meditation...

strange are the ways of music...

it should be used nicely.. it can heal someone..

or it can create chaos in a calm mind...

its magic and should be used with caution...

but as long as its a fairy tale .. let me live in it

Loneliness ....

why all saints have to leave home to attain enlightment.. to get peace...to understand world.. to acquire knowledge.. and to server people...

why it never happened that staying at home people are able to do big things... except very few.. one of them is Mahatma gandhi....

Is it that when you stay away from home a long time... a kind of loneliness engulfs you.. and then to fight it you turn towards your thoughts... your processed so that you dont go insane...

and then that also becomes too much.. so you just let everything get past you.. and then nothing bothers you at all...

And then when you are so much calm and at peace.. and you see other unhappy you just want to help them.. so that they can also overcome their loneliness...

Is it that all of this comes out of loneliness ?? Or my mind is playing tricks with me... Or is it just an illusion so that this loneliness does not make me insane...

Burning midnight oil

So, I am burning midnight oil today :)

Friday night and nothing to do... so just listening songs...

I always wonder ... how sensitive humans are...

how much they are influenced by their surroundings...

they can be touched by music.. weather... books... movie

how easily they can feel what others are feeling....

how easliy they can connect to anything... through any medium....

I was watching this movie yesterday.. in this I have come across this beautiful quote from Charlotte Bronte from her book Jane Eyre...

“The human heart has hidden treasures,

In secret kept, in silence sealed;
The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures,
Whose charms were broken if revealed

How true are these words... How easily people can transform big great thoughts...into simple words.. understandable by simple souls like us...

Humans are such an amazing creation of god...

Music is magical !!!

Sometimes music is just enough for you...
nothing else is required except it...

I always found that music has the power to change you..
change your mood.. your thoughts... your life sometimes...

music seems to me like a gift of god to us humans...
after creating us, he must have thought ....
OMG, what have I done...
these minds will struggle daily...
these minds will crave for more every day...
these minds are relentless...
I need to do something... I need to create something to calm these minds...
and then he must have created music...

Music touches everyone..
it does not do distinction between people...
it comes to good or bad...
sane or insane...

Music... it is magical...
it uplifts you from this world and takes you into some fairyland...
where your world becomes the music....
Music is magic... and God had given us this gift...
to create and live this magic...

Thank you God for magic, for music...

A life lost!!!

When there is no hope.. 

no flowers are coming on a tree.... 

You eagerly wait for spring to come...

so that once again tree become full with flowers...

when a gardner sees some new bud coming ...

he becomes so much happy.. he takes special care of it...

he wants this to bloom and become a flower...

he puts in water every morning and evening..

put in the best of manure.. everything in his power to see that it comes into being

But then suddenly storm comes.. and it breaks...

gardner is devastated... what to do..

everything is lost.. there is no hope now..

A life is lost !!!

Words are deserting me in this hour of grief..

But there is too much pain...

I just hope that gardner has enough strength to wait for another spring...

Loosing courage to walk .. Am I ??

I am so lost among my thoughts...

trying to sort out the turmoil ... but life is not about sorting out...

life likes playing games with you...

the more you try to sort it out... the more it gives you difficult puzzles to solve...

I came across lot of different ppl in my life till now...

for some its a path to follow... just go on and on...

I wonder what if some day I loose the path...

what if sometimes... I just become too tired to walk..

then whether life will wait for me... 

or it will just brush past me.. leaving me alone...

But is it going to be so bad when that happens..

may be not...

till that time I need to keep up my spirit and try to walk as far as I can

I just hope that I dont loose my courage...

courage to face every new day...

You know some ppl ponder on things and then write...

for me its other way round..

now when I have written about courage...

I think about all those ppl who are in more tougher situations than me...

and still smiling..

Does that mean I have become a coward... or just that I am feeling lonely .....

Life and mind

Life is mirror of your mind
if you are happy, life is fun for you ...
if you are bored, life is dull for you ...
if you are sad, life is sad for you ...
if you have lost hope, life is never ending TV soap for you ...
if you are lonely, life is like a dead watch ...
if you are peaceful, life is gift of god ...

Loneliness ... destiny or choice

those happy days are gone ...
they say that life is like that ...
they say that things will be fine again ...
but what if patience wears out ...
but what if loneliness gets the best of you ...
but what if hope is lost...
they say without your consent nothing happens in life ...
but what if one consent makes others happy...
then ...
life is lost somewhere in these questions